Neil didn’t go to school for three years.. he was looking after his mum

Sep 26 2008 by Alison Rennie, Paisley Daily Express

CHILDHOOD for most people brings back memories of playing with friends, going to school and most of all, being carefree.

Unfortunately for hundreds, and perhaps even thousands, of young people in Renfrewshire their childhood is entirely different.

Being a young carer means looking after a family member who has an illness, disability, mental health problem or a substance misuse problem.

And there’s kids out there doing that job – without any record of it.

Neil White was only nine-years-old when he became a full-time carer to his mum Linda, taking on the practical and often emotional caring responsibilities that would normally be expected of an adult.

He was forced to grow up fast and leave his childhood behind.

Linda, 52, was a ward sister at Yorkhill Hospital but had to take early retirement after falling and slipping three discs in her back a number of years ago.

She was virtually confined to bed for the first couple of years after her accident so Neil, his younger brother Ewen and their father often helped to look after her.

When Neil was around nine years old, Linda and her sons left their dad and Neil became his mum’s full-time carer.

And at the age of 12 Neil was so busy with his role as carer and adapting to life with so much responsibility at such a tender age he missed school for three and half years.

And the authorities didn’t seem to care.

Neil, now 19, said: “To be honest it doesn’t feel as if it’s had a great impact on my life, it feels normal to me.

“A lot of kids out there carry on seeing their pals and hanging about the streets and I still saw my friends.

“We moved to Elderslie when I was about 12 years old and that’s when I didn’t go to school for three and a half years.

“I went out to the shops and paid the bills while my wee brother, Ewan, was taking care of my mum.

“She was in a lot of pain when it first happened and developed depression then agoraphobia so she couldn’t leave the house.”

School

Neil didn’t go to secondary school properly until he started fourth year.

He explained: “I didn’t stop going to school all of a sudden, it happened over a couple of years.

“I had some problems with primary school and high school.

“Not because of my mum but because I was stuck in the house. I started to get mental health problems of my own and couldn’t deal with school.”

Neil said the teachers at Castlehead High weren’t very understanding of his situation, apart from one, his guidance teacher Mr Maiolani.

“He was great,” Neil said. “He was the only teacher who really recognised my situation.

“He was the one who kept me at Castlehead. He used to phone me at 7.30am outwith his working hours to make sure I was awake. He didn’t need to do that but I appreciated it.”

Around six years ago, Neil said he was given a lifeline when he and Ewan were referred to the young carers project at the Renfrewshire Carers Centre in Paisley.

He said: “Every two weeks we get picked up in a taxi and taken to the carers centre.

“It’s meant to give young carers a bit of rest from a caring role and I’m still going now.

“Ewan only went a couple of times, it wasn’t really his thing.

Highlight

“The meeting is the highlight of my fortnight, I’ve made a lot of friends there with the other young carers and staff.

“It’s a good break for two hours every two weeks.

“It’s helped me a lot over the last six years.

“It was the first time I’d met any other young carers in a similar situation to mine.”

He went on: “I want young carers to be more widely known about.

“I think a lot of people know about older carers but not as much about younger carers.

“I’ve suggested someone who is a bit older like me going into school to talk about my experiences.

“I can tell pupils that there is help out there if they need it and maybe help teachers spot someone who might need help.”

The family live in Paisley now and Neil and Ewan are still Linda’s main carers with help from her friends.

Despite missing out on three years of education, Neil is currently studying at Reid Kerr College for an NC in digital media computing with games development.

He is thinking about either going on to study computer games development at university or music production at Stow College.

He attends the Young Carers project at Renfrewshire Carers' Centre, 16 Silk Street, Paisley, Renfrewshire. PA1 1HG.

For more information and advice, phone the centre on 0141 887 3643.